A few years ago, Arun was a director-level 'droid slaving away for the kind of bucks some people pay as the luxury tax on their BMWs. He would attend management meetings and all would go well until the last couple of hours, when he'd be called upon to leave the room so the big boys could talk about options and bonuses. It really steamed his latte. He was determined to join their club.
So he did what he thought he should do: he asked. "Hmm," said his boss, "you're a worthy candidate to be a vice-president, but guess what? We're not making them anymore. HR said so." This went on for months. Then, it just so happened he was called upon to do some kind of industry symposium. After the session, people came around and showed him their teeth and patted his back and said he'd done okay. His boss saw that. A week later, he was named vicepresident. Today, he stands atop his function, with no particular place to go from here. But that's another story.
Careers are like sharks. They either move forward-eating, growing, becoming more dangerous- or fall to the bottom of the professional ocean and die, to be eaten by other, more viable careers in that great circle of work life. So getting a promotion is not an issue of simply improving what you have. It's a matter of survival.
Here, then, is a simple path to promotion that is guaranteed- unless, of course, you're a total idiot.
Step 1: Make great noise
It's amazing how many people languish in their current positions because they go straight to seething. A worthwhile employee who asks the boss for a step up is almost never resented. In fact, the request makes the fearful delegator you work for imagine for one horrible moment what life would be like without you.
Step 2: Take a pile of crap off your boss's plate
Many losers believe they deserve a promotion simply because they've been around long enough and management should be loyal to them. Ha! Management, loyal? It's all about production, consistency, and drive, guys. The quality of work that gets you promoted is should be a vice-president," and even, "I wonder where he got that tie".
Step 3: Trade up your meeting schedule
If you gather with tiny toads, you're just another little green blob on the lily pad. Remember: any functional senior officer has so many silly meetings, he feels like screaming by 3 pm every day. Look at his agenda and see what kind of neat stuff you can cherry-pick. If you manage a few good opportunities with distinction, who's to say that you shouldn't, before too long, be one of the seniors?
Step 4: Dress like a hitter
There's an old rule in the world of facades and mirrors: you have to dress at least one level better than your true station would dictate. This can be expensive, but it's worth it. Spend as much as you can on your clothes. Don't be showy; just look good, because your clothes speak of who you are. Your clothes should say, in a low, persuasive, mature voice, "Wow. Look at him. He really should be a vice-president," and even, "I wonder where he got that tie".
Step 5: Wear raw, naked ambition on your sleeve
Be a pain in the ass, damn it! For every 10 things you do to make your boss happy, prod him once. Keep in mind that nobody in the business world disrespects the man who is purely ambitious. Except one kind, and he may be your boss, so tread lightly. No amount of asking is going to make a difference if your boss feels like your career advancement is not aligned with his self-interest.
Step 6: Go out and play (but watch for traffic)
The world is a very big place. There are all kinds of people in it-people who may appreciate you even if others do not. Looking for a job elsewhere is a risky way of seeking a promotion at your beloved place of employment, because if you actually fl oat your dinghy into foreign waters, you have to be prepared to stay there. What you want is to step into the real world and meet people, and be a player, and make sure you're treated as such.
It is, in the end, your "real world" profile that will seduce management into promoting you to the land where options aren't a dream and bonuses buy time-shares in remote locations.
Step 7: Bail
In the end, when all else fails, when you feel disrespected every day and guys with bad hair are making twice your coin, you may need to join another corporate nation. Find something you really and truly want, and then say goodbye. There will still be people to just wave to you from where they are, perched pretty much where you'd like to be. When you get there, they'll be glad to see you. Though, to tell the truth, you guys kind of scare them.
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